eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
