He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
