I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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