I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
