When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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