Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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