you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
