Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
