I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
