hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
