okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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