glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
A bitchslap is in order.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
