her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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