How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
