Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
