exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
