haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
