you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
