Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
