Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
