remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
