I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
