I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
