The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
God, I missed his penis.
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