No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can you repeat that, but with context?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
