Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
