ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Randomize
