she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
