he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
