then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
