I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
