Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
