i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
