you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
