I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
