I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So. Much. Porn.
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