Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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