so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
