i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You are the jesus of drinking
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
