Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
