it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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