Plan B is the new Plan A
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
