Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
either way he was missing a nipple.
He felt like a one man threesome
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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