my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
