So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
