What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
