birth control should be required to get into college
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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