Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
