How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
