Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
