my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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