oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
